Dear Tony Romo, the jig is up.

Dear Tony Romo,
The jig is up. I know about the affair that you've been having with my husband and I'm writing you for it to stop. I always thought it was going to be with another woman, not a man! You see, I've been suspecting this for quite a while now (since the beginning of the month) but my suspicions have finally been confirmed. I know that you can't hear through the television...at least I thought you couldn't...but it seems that as my husband shouts at you while you are playing on TV, you seem to hear him because it is followed by cheers so loud that I'm sure the neighbors can hear, as well. Furthermore, he is part of this "fantasy" club in which he actually employs you. He wasn't planning on employing you at first, as there were other employees he picked before you, but as it happens, you are on his payroll. So, another point to mention is that an affair with your boss must be against company policy! However, you apparently are his favorite employee because every week his company beats all the others....and then he thanks you. I didn't know you could hear him through the computer, as well. You see...my husband is generally not a multi-tasker, like most men. He can barely hold the baby while watching TV. But, when you are on, he manages to hold the baby, continuously check stats on the computer, shout at the television, cook, clean, fold laundry, and super-glue broken toys all at the same time. What do you have that I don't? Not to mention that he talks about you and his club throughout the day and night. He woke me up one night saying "Should I take 2 RB's, or 2 Receivers?". To which I replied, "what?!". The only time that we have together is on the weekends, but this weekend, we've had to cram all of our plans into one Saturday so that he can be free for you on Sunday afternoon...right in the middle of the day. And don't you know, he also has to prepare to watch you before-hand...it's apparently a lot of work to run this fantasy company of his. This Sunday has officially been declared in this household as Tony Romo day. How come I never get a day? I'm begging you to end this affair as I'm afraid that if it continues any longer, my husband will become too emotionally attached to you and will forsake his family all-together.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Beckerman